Whats new with Sidney? 2008
May 25, 2008
Latest News: Sidney finds new
girlfriend. Her name is Rachel; she plays the banjo and makes me cry.
She is sooooooooooooooo good at playing the banjo. It livens up the
turtle tank. I go to bed at night swimming with my new honey; RACHEL!
So how did we meet and where is Lori? Well I received a
nasty e-mail from a girl named Rachel. She was a bad girl. A real bad
girl; a meanie if you would. But it turns out she was
having a bad hair day and all was forgiven.
The past year and 2 years really have been a trying time
for myself and Lori. We decided to part ways so she can recover with her
addiction to pop-corn. Lori told me she needed some space and we should
see other turtles. Well I'll be damned! Lori broke my heart and I think
I broke hers. But now there is a new honey on
the block. Rachel is a fine turtle indeed. Indeed.
May 26, 2008
It has been a long time since myself and Rachel
have been an item. It is now day 2! Oh my god! I learned a lot about meanie....................... sorry Rachel I didn't mean to call you
that. Let me rephrase. I learned a lot about Rachel. She just had
surgery and had to max out her turtle credit cards. It's only day 2 so
I didn't ask what kind of surgery it was.
Every turtle wanted to know if it was augmentation
of you know.................. but I didn't want to ask. Rachel may
have gotten mad. Her e-mail to me was rather curt if I don't say so
myself. But that's what I like about her. She speaks her mind and lets
me have it. I could not publish some of her
e-mails. It's turtle shocking! Indeed. I'm going to have to wash out
her mouth with soap. She cursed at me.................. boo
hooooooooooo But then she forgave me.
I wonder how much money she spent
on her surgery. hmmmmmm That's something for me think about when I go
to sleep tonight. Bubble Bubble for now turtle folks.
May 29, 2008
Have you ever had a turtle conversation and said
something you shouldn't had said? Well it's like a blow to the
kisser. A sucker punch. A cheap shot. I put my foot in my mouth and
I do believe my punishment should be a whammy (one hard punch) from
none other than the main man, Iron Mike Tyson. So let me have it
Mike! ...............................ca-zuyie........................................................
Oh my God! I need to recover.
Rachel sent me an e-mail and told me about her
surgery. Now I don't want to tell all the turtle world but I'm
hoping and we all do we can put a smile on Rachel's face. So Rachel
I'm still going to call you Meanie if you like it or don't. Too bad
for you. You have four paws just the same as me and swim like the
rest of us.
Are you wondering if Rachel likes pop-corn. Well
she eats it at the theatre in normal amounts and she does not have
an addiction. However the way she looks at my freezer is quite
worrisome. I like ice-pops; I like them a lot. With a passion you
might say. I am wondering if Rachel is an ice-pop connoisseur like
me. The flavors are outstanding. There is my turtle fav, orange,
grape, and a not too popular other kind which eludes me at the
moment. When I want an ice-pop I just go to the freezer and take one
out. But Rachel gazes at the ice-box like she is dreaming. What is
she thinking about when she gazes at the ice-box? It makes me
wonder.
May 30, 2008 You may not
believe this but one of Sidney's idols is visiting the turtle tank. I
am referring to none other than Iron Mike Tyson.
I am sorry to put a damper on the incredible
news but I'm tired and I have to go to bed. I will update you ASAP
with the latest developments when I get up.
June 8, 2008 So you want to
know why it's been so many days for an update. Well I talked and
talked with Iron Mike Tyson (Mike for short). I was so drained I had
to get my rest.
Here is an excerpt from one of our chats:
Sidney The Turtle: Hi Mike. Welcome to
the turtle tank.
Iron Mike Tyson: Thanks Sidney. It's good
to be here. Your tank is rather calming. I'm not used to that,
especially coming off the fights from Holyfield.
Sidney The Turtle: Mike, my first
question should be, and I sincerely hope you do not mind me
asking you, is "Where did you get the name, Iron Mike Tyson?"
Iron Mike Tyson: I led a troubled life. I was
in more than one fight inside and outside a turtle tank if you get
my drift. I had to iron out the wrongs in my life so that's where it
came from.
Sidney The Turtle: You mean you were trying to make a change with
yourself.
Iron Mike Tyson: Yes, that's it. (Talk about a solid right hand,
Sidney.) ** Mike is uncomfortable. **
Sidney The Turtle: I heard you have a movie in the works, a
Hollywood Blockbuster. Or is it a HolyField Blockbuster???!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Iron Mike Tyson: NOW LOOK HERE SIDNEY! * MIKE IS SHOUTING * I
AGREED TO COME TO THE TURTLE TANK FOR A FRIENDLY CHAT AND ALREADY YOU'RE
TALKING SMACK AND TRASH. I HAVE BEEN IN THE GYM FOR 6 MONTHS AND
THE JABS ARE STILL THERE TRACHEMYS!
****************************************** Oh my god!! There was almost
a collision between Mike & Sidney. *******************************
Rachel hears the commotion and is getting concerned. She thinks she had
better call Ricky Turtle!! Ricky Turtle used to be a ref in prize
fights. He knows had to handle the situation.
Sidney The Turtle: I am sorry Mike. I did not mean to upset you.
You're been in the ring against giants in the boxing game. A few words
shouldn't upset you. My God Mike! Let me name a few names: Evander
Holyfield, Lennox Lewis, James Douglas, Donovan Ruddock, and the list
goes on and on. You're career has been outstanding.
50 Wins, 6 Losses, 2 No Contest, 44 Knockouts
No turtle in his right mind would dare
contest you.
What would you say has been the
ultimate test of Mike Tyson? Fighting in the heavyweight division,
capturing the title belts, showing the world you are the best, or just
fighting yourself?
Iron Mike Tyson: Sidney, I love you like a son but there
are some questions you just don't ask. I had my moments in the ring, in
life, and in general just like everyone else. You're stepping on toes,
Sidney. Put it another way. That's a low blow and you should be deducted
points.
***************************************** Mike is tearing up and Sidney
thinks Mike is going to cry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
****************************************
Sidney, I never told anyone this
but.......................................
but............................
but..............................but.................. I'M ADDICTED TO
POP-CORN! *****************
June 21, 2008 Here is an
excerpt from chat number 2.
Sidney The Turtle: Now Mike I am sad to
hear of your addiction to pop-corn. I went through this once before
with Lori. If it's ok with you, I will recommend you to PA (Pop-corn
Anonymous) immediately.
Iron Mike Tyson: You are a good friend
Sidney. I will appreciate that.
Sidney The Turtle: Now Mike on a
completely different topic it was rumored Thomas Hearns had the
hardest punch of all time and he could fall an oak tree 10 feet
around! What do you think of that??????????
Iron Mike Tyson: You must be mistaken
Sidney. He was a good boxer. No, Sidney, not a good boxer a great
boxer but I never heard anyone say he could fall an oak tree.
Sidney The Turtle: You don't know this
Mike but me and Hearns are good buds. He let me in on some privileged
information. He told me when he prepared for a fight he went out to an
oak tree farm and used to punch the oaks.
Iron Mike Tyson: You must mean shadow
boxing, Sidney.
Sidney The Turtle: Not the way Hearns
tells it.
Iron Mike Tyson: Good Lordy.
Sidney The Turtle: That's what I mean.
Hearns used to wallop oak trees. Left - right - uppercut - inside-
outside- WHAMMY - THEN THE HAYMAKER - to the oak and the oak would
fall. An oak tree Mike! 10 feet around! Hearns was on top and the oak
was down.
Iron Mike Tyson: I'd have to see it to believe it Sidney. I had a
hard punch. Lets face it. But I don't think I could knock down an oak.
June 22, 2008
Sidney!!! Sidney !!! Sidney!! Crosby!!
Crosby!! Crosby!! ** Rachel is frantic and is shouting like you would
not believe !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ** I was just listening to
the turtle radio and I think I heard it say the Prime Minister of
Canada wants to visit The Turtle Tank! Oh my god! "Which tank do you
think he is referring to Sidney?" says Rachel. "I don't know", says
Sidney. But could it be for little me and little you (a-boo-hoo) that
our humble Turtle Tank would receive a splendid visit from the Turtle
Prime Minister Of Canada!!???? Lets cross our paws and see!
June 23, 2008
Ring. Ring. Ring..................Ring. Ring. Ring
Rachel: Hello?
Secret Service: This is the secret service
calling on behalf of the Prime Minister, Stephen Harper.
........ THUMP - A - RUMBA! .........Rachel faints.
Good heavens! And Sidney is out in the turtle-mobile shopping!!!!
Rachel is in distress!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She needs help and
first aid!
Secret Service: Ma'am! Hello? Are you there?
.................................... Ma'am................ Are you
there?
Secret Service: I think something is wrong.
We better send out an agent and investigate. I heard
a loud THUMP. My secret service training tells me a turtle has fainted
and needs immediate assistance.
Lets dispatch 911...............................
June 27, 2008
Shame on myself for not updating the turtle world
more quickly. SHAME ON ME! Rachel is ok! Rachel is ok! Good Lordy
Good Lordy! Rachel is ok. 911 was dispatched by the secret service,
they arrived in the turtle-get better-mobile and promptly set the
dial back to Non Faint Status! Rachel came out of it instantly.
For those not in the know we turtles have a dial
on our backs. The excitement from the Secret Service put Rachel into
an excited mode and the dial slid over to FAINT. It has to be reset
by the turtle-get-better-mobile staff only! Not some silly folk from
the secret service or Stephen Harper.
You may find this amusing but the turtle Prime
Minister, Stephen Harper, has a dial on his back too. It can be set
to any number of possibilities. Right now it is set on Prime
Minister. Maybe be can play a joke on him if he visits the turtle
tank and change the dial! Maybe bump it down to Premier of Alberta
or worse yet Premier of Newfoundland & Labrador! Something like
that! hahaahhahahaah Lets hope the secret service don't hear me.
******************* News Flash
***************************
******************* News Flash
***************************
******************* News
Flash ***************************
There has been breaking news in the turtle
tank. More breaking than a potential visit from the turtle Prime
Minister.
******************* News
Flash ***************************
******************* News
Flash ***************************
******************* News
Flash ***************************
Iron Mike
Tyson denies ties
to any turtle gang!
Thursday, June
26 2008* Reprinted with permission
from Turtle Press Inc.
Former
heavyweight champion Mike Tyson has denied any involvement with
members of a Brooklyn Turtle gang who have
testified in a high profile trial that Tyson offered 50,000
turtle sticks towards 'a hit' of gang
members suspected of killing Tyson's bodyguard. "The allegations that
people are saying about me are totally untrue," said Tyson in
a statement. "I don't know or have anything to do with these people on
trial. I am tired of people throwing my name around and if they
continue to do that I will have my turtle
lawyer deal with them."
Iron Mike
Tyson
denies ties to any turtle gang!
What was the cause of Rachel's
fainting? Was it low turtle blood pressure? Low blood sugar? Lack of
fish treats? Or being overwhelmed by the Secret Service? Well, I
Sidney Crosby, am here to say Stephen Harper must pay for making my
sweetie Faint. So I am asking all turtles (and even cooters) to send a
harsh letter to the Turtle Prime Minister with these words below. You
have my permission to print it.
|
To: Turtle Prime Minister, Stephen Harper
Turtle House Of Commons
Ottawa
Canada
You are a
Meanie and you made Rachel faint!
Shame on you Meanie!
|
There is no need
for a postal code. Just hand write the above on a postcard and mail to
the Turtle House Of Commons, Ottawa, Canada. Don't forget a stamp or
it will not be delivered. Stephen must apologize to Rachel. A poll has
been taken in the turtle tank. We need 100,000 postcards sent to The
Turtle House Of Commons.
July 1, 2008
Its July 1st and Canada Day in the turtle tank.
I, Sidney Crosby, am one patriotic turtle and so is my honey,
Rachel. Do you wonder how we celebrated? Well here goes. First it
was pancakes with maple syrup, maple cookies for desert, and maple
bread to make maple toast. We had some maple coffee, a little maple
tea, maple jam, maple butter, maple bacon, and maple hash browns.
Rachel made breakfast and sang O'Canada 27 consecutive times. I
chimed in on 14, 17, 18, 19, 20, 22, and 25.
O Canada!
Our home and t-u-r-t-l-e tank!
True patriot love when no t-u-r-t-l-e-s sank.
With glowing fins we see thee swim,
The True North strong and brim!
From far and wide,
O Canada, we swim on guard for thee.
God keep our t-u-r-t-l-e tank g-l-o-r-i-o-u-s
and free!
O Canada, we swim on guard for thee.
O Canada, we swim on guard for thee.
When she hit number 27 enough
was enough and I had to say "Good Heavens Rachel; you're getting
on my patriotic nerves. So we jumped in the maple-mobile, drove
down maple drive, saw lots of maples sites, and waved the Canadian
flag (just the usual on July 1st for a turtle.) What did you
expect? Something different?
July 1, 2008 Later
that night
You stink Sidney! You
stink, you stink, you stink. Just because its Canada Day you don't
have to pig out on maple treats. You just ate 9 boxes of maple
candies Sidney. You are a pig! A real oinker!
says Rachel.
**************** Meanwhile the Turtle Prime
Minister is farting away! ************************ Fart ***** Fart
***** Fart*** Belch ************ Belch************* Fart *******
Fart ************** Belch ********** Cough ************** another
maple candy for The Turtle House Of
Commons............................ fart.................
belch..........................just one more maple candy
for The Turtle
House Of Commons....................belch ..................
fart..........................fart.........fart............fart
Secret Service: Mr. Harper you're on a
maple candy bender. I think it's time we put you to bed and sobered
you up. You will not be able to make to the The Turtle House Of
Commons tomorrow................................... STINK-OINKA!
STEPHEN......................................
.........FART..............FART...........BELCH..................BELCH......................
July 2, 2008
Ring. Ring. Ring.....................Ring. Ring. Ring
Secret Service: This is the secret service
calling on behalf of the President Of The United States Of
America, George Bush!
........ THUMP - A - RUMBA! .........Rachel faints.
Good heavens! but this time Sidney is by her side. Sidney
immediately switches the dial to Non-Faint Status while awkwardly
throwing down the turtle phone.
Sidney: Are you ok Rachel? You fainted
again. I'll get you some water.
Rachel: Thanks Sidney. I don't know why
I keep fainting.
Secret Service: Sir? Are you
there......................... Sir?
................................. Sir?.................
Are you
there?....................................... Our secret service
training tells us a turtle has received immediate
CPR....................................... Let's exercise some
patience till we receive a reply. In the meantime lets sing, Take
Me Out To The Ballgame.
Secret Service: We have a pressing issue
to speak to you about. We hear your Prime Minster is on a maple
candy bender and is producing outrageous amounts of methane. We
have him on maple candy radar. Every time Mr. Harper lets go a
maple fart our radar goes BEEP!
BEEP! BEEP! You may or may not be aware but we are in an energy
crisis in the United States. We need a sustained energy source to
power at least 24 states. We think we have found the answer. Put
Stephen Harper on a maple candy bender! Hook him up to a pipeline
for methane and send the gas to the USA. Saudi Oil is running
out.............. fuel cells do not deliver.............. solar
power is for babies.......... and nuclear energy is too costly. We
can build a maple candy plant in Ottawa if necessary and hook Mr.
Harper up pronto!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOW, may we talk business?
Sidney
faints!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So does
Rachel!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE TURTLE TANK IS IN
CRISIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOONE IS THERE TO SWITCH THE DIALS TO
NON-FAINT STATUS!
WHAT
WILL HAPPEN TO SIDNEY AND RACHEL?????????
July 9, 2008
Good heavens! Good heavens! And might I say it
again, Good Heavens! The turtle tank remains in crisis. Sidney's
metabolism has slowed to a crawl. So has Rachel's. Heart rates
have plummeted just like Stephen Harpers's ratings in the polls.
Turtle blood pressure has gone down and their turtle bodies have
gone into fighting mode. They are being kept alive by turtle
nature. Turtle nature slowed them to a crawl to fight Extended
Faint Status. Fat stores are being utilized, breathing has slowed
but they are still alive, and Sidney and Rachel remain
Non-Responsive in Faint Status!
******************** SIRENS
BLARE********************************** ee-ah ee-ah ee-ah ee-ah ee-ah
ee-ah ee-ah ee-ah ee-ah ee-ah The turtle-get-better-mobile is no
match for Extended Faint Status;only one turtle can save the day
and it's Gary GPS!
******************** SIRENS
BLARE********************************** ee-ah ee-ah ee-ah ee-ah ee-ah
ee-ah ee-ah ee-ah ee-ah ee-ah
Gary GPS: Good heavens! Good heavens!
And might I say it again, Good Heavens! The turtle tank is in
crisis!
Gary GPS throws down his turtle drink and zooms
to the turtle tank at lighting speed! It's Gary GPS to the rescue.
*********** This has never happened. This has never happened!!!!!
Two turtles in Extended Faint Status!!!! What mongrel would do
this to a turtle? Was it Methane Man (Stephen Harper)? The man of
gas? Or something worse? Something much, much, worse?
Gary GPS has a gut feel their is only one man
who could put two turtles in Extended Faint Status and that man
is, George Bush, President Of The USA Turtle Tank!
Let's call him George-a-bumba!
******************************* ENOUGH FOR GUT
FEEL, GARY GPS! YOU MUST SAVE SIDNEY AND RACHEL BEFORE THEY EXPIRE
***************************
Gary GPS switches on Turtle Reset!!!! And saves
the day!!!! Sidney survives. Rachel survives. They are both groggy
and need some recuperation.
**************** Meanwhile
Methane Man is farting away! ************************ Fart ***** Fart
***** Fart*** Belch ************ Belch************* Fart *******
Fart ************** Belch ********** Cough ************** another
maple candy for The Turtle House Of
Commons............................ fart.................
belch..........................just one more maple candy
for The Turtle
House Of Commons....................belch ..................
fart..........................fart.........fart............fart
Meanwhile:
South of the Canadian Border at a secret location:
George-a-bumba: I
wonder if our Canadian pal is going to accept our offer. He surely
must. I do believe our offer is fair and square.
Mrs. George-a-bumba:
Now George-a-bumba, eat your grits, and stop talking politics at
the table.
George-a-bumba: I
can say anything I like. I am President Of The USA Turtle Tank.
Mrs. George-a-bumba:
Now George-a-bumba!
I said, "Eat your grits".
*********************************** Far away in a distant deep
chasm buried well below the surface of George-a-bumba a sound well
known to Methane Man is in its creation. It's inception was
instant with the 52nd spoonful of grits. From that distant deep
chasm it starts to move, gaining speed, velocity, and momentum.
From around one bend to another, one corner to one corner, gaining
more speed, more stink, and more methane!!!!!! George-a-bumba lets
go a Methane Man caliber FART! STINK-OINKA GEORGE-A-BUMBA! And
knocks the grits off the table!
Mrs. George-a-bumba:
That's what you get for talking politics at the table
George-a-bumba! Now who needs to talk about building a maple candy
plant in Ottawa? How about a Grit-plant right here is
good-ole-USA? We can hook you up and send the gas north for the
stupid Canadians.
********************************* George-a-bumba &
Mrs. George-a-bumba roar in
laughter. It's a good thing those stupid Canadians don't hear us!
We might be in hot water.
*********************************
George-a-bumba:
Not to worry Mrs. George-a-bumba I'll just give Methane Man some
maple candies and he will shut his Canadian trap.
July 10, 2008
Mrs. George-a-bumba:
George-a-bumba don't you know Methane Man is at the G-8 summit??
You must be a bumbling idiot George-a-bumba. You're not there and
you're supposed to be.
George-a-bumba:
GREAT Mrs. G (Short for Mrs. George-a-bumba).
Mrs. G:
Not "Great" George-a-bumba. I said G-8!
George-a-bumba:
Great ! Mrs. G!
Mrs. G: Are
you on the pipe again George-a-bumba? I am talking to you. Are
you on the pipe again?
George-a-bumba:
I was standing too close to the north window that faces Canada.
The noxious maple-fumes are still in my brain. I think I need to
do a brain flush.
Mrs. G: Great!
George-a-bumba:G-8?
Mrs. G: No you idiot, Great!
George-a-bumba: You're hurting my head
Mrs. G. I think I will finish my grits and go to bed
early.
Mrs. G: Great!
George-a-bumba: Great!
*************************** Meanwhile
the Secret Service prepares George-a-bumba for bedtime.
***************************
Secret Service: Ready George-a-bumba?????
............................... Take off your bullet
proof vest................................ Take off
your bullet proof belt................................
Take off your bullet proof
tie................................ Take off your
bullet proof shirt................................
Take off your bullet proof pants. Take off your bullet proof
boxers................................ Take off your
bullet proof socks................................
George-a-bumba: Every night its the
same ole grind. I'd sooner be a Canadian idiot pigging
out on maple candies and farting like Methane Man.
Secret Service: Now George there is no
need for stereotypical slurs like that. I'm sure not all
Canadians are idiots though I can't say I never met one
who
wasn't...............................................
14 Secret Service agents roar in laughter..............................
And you keep talking about those maple
candies..................... Come to think of it the one
place I seen anyone pigging out on maple candies was
north of the border. The place stunk like you wouldn't
believe. Maybe they really are
idiots...........................all 30 million of them.
George-a-bumba: As real as my daily
plate of grits.
Secret Service: Ready George-a-bumba?????
............................... Put on your bedtime
bullet proof vest................................ Put
on your bedtime bullet proof
belt................................ Put on your
bedtime bullet proof
tie................................ Put on your
bedtime bullet proof
shirt................................ Put on your
bedtime bullet proof pants. Put on your
bedtime bullet proof
boxers................................ Put on your
bedtime bullet proof
socks................................
George-a-bumba: Great!
Secret Service: Did you say G-8?
George-a-bumba:
No................Great!
Secret Service: All done
George-a-bumba!
George-a-bumba: I'm ready for a
good night's rest.
July 14, 2008
(Part 1)
George-a-bumba: Bingo! Bingo!
Bingo! George-a-bumba is screeching at the top
of his lungs. Bingo! Bingo! Bingo! I have G-8! I
have G-8!
Secret Service: We need to wake
George-a-bumba up; he is having nightmares of
the G-8 summit.
George-a-bumba: Where are my
Bingo Cards? Where are the Bingo Cards? I heard
G-8 and I only had one letter left to fill in. I
was ahead of Harper on this one. He won the last
round but this time I only had to fill in G-8.
***************************** George-a-bumba
gradually comes out of his Presidential Stupor.
******************************
Secret Service: Let's give him
some smelling salts. Here put it under his nose.
Inhale deeply George-a-bumba. Just pretend you
are on the pipe.
**************** George-a-bumba inhales
deliberately and longly.
********************************* George-a-bumba
is starting to come out of the Presidential
Stupor. *********************************
Who?????????????? Wa??????????? Yo Harper!
************** Where am I??????? Yo
Harper!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel
groggy.................................. Yo
Harper! *********************************
Secret Service: Stop saying "Yo
Harper" George-a-bumba. The summit is over and you are
home in the White House. Remember your favorite
color George-a-bumba. Its white. Think back to grade 12
when you made hand paints for science class and
you used white paint. You scored 14%; your
highest marks ever in high school!
George-a-bumba: Yo Harper! Yo
Harper! Yo Harper!
Secret Service: George-a-bumba
is out of it. Lets call a doctor. Who are we
going to call?
Secret Service: Let's get
Kevorkian!
Secret Service: No you idiot.
It's not that dire.
Secret Service: I think it is.
Secret Service: Let's call his
cousin, Brian Mulroney (Babble-Bum for short).
************** The Secret Service is trying to
find the number for Babble-Bum. **************
Secret Service: Is there a
Canadian phone book around???
Mrs. G: Look under George-a-bumba's
mattress. He gave up looking at Playboy a long
time ago.
************** The Secret Service promptly turns
over the mattress. **************
Secret Service: Good Heavens! I
never seen some many phone books in my
life. Which book has Babble-Bum in it?
Newfoundland? Nova Scotia? New
Brunswick????? **************
Mrs. G: He thinks he is on top
of Canada by sleeping on Canadian phone books.
How on earth would I know which book has
Babble-bum in it? Just pick one.
Secret Service: There is no
time man! Pick one before George-a-bumba expires!
************** The Secret Service rips one from
the stack of Canadian phone books and
quickly searches for Babble-Bum. **************
Stay tuned for part 2!
************************ Press Release! This
just in from the Turtle White House!!!!!
(Sorry but it's not part 2 from July 14,
2008!! ************************
July 15, 2008
Top US
neurosurgeon, Brainy-Burt, confirms
George-a-bumba is in a dreamy state. He needs
help from someone but not him! Brainy-Burt
confirms George-a-bumba is dreaming of giving
Mrs. G a fine seal fur coat from 1000 seals
caught off Newfoundland and Labrador, Canada!
He is dreaming of buying a
seal fur coat
for Mrs. G, a
seal fur coat for Mr. Harper, a
seal fur coat
for each member of Congress, a
seal fur coat
for Paul McCartney, a
seal fur coat
for each citizen of the State Of Texas,
California, Louisiana, Maryland, and Georgia.
George-a-bumba
is not too keen on seal fur coats for North and
South Dakota. No sir!
Texas - 23, 904, 380 seal fur coats costing
$454,183,220,000.00
California - 36, 553, 215 seal fur coats
costing $694,511,085,000.00
Louisiana - 4,293,204 seal fur coats costing
$81,570,876,000.00
Maryland - 5, 618, 344 seal fur coats costing
$106,748,536,000.00
Georgia - 9, 544, 750 seal fur coats costing
$181,350,250,000.00
Total seals to make fur coats: 79, 913,
893, 000 or 5% of the total herd.
Total Bill to Turtle US Congress: Lets just
say $1 Trillion something in seal fur coats
or maybe a barter deal in turtle sticks.
Each seal fur coat is made from 1000 seals,
costs $19, 000.00 Canadian each
and George-a-bumba supports the Newfoundland seal hunt
wholeheartedly as the # 1 supporter.
Taxes may have to be raised 2% in the
turtle states of Texas, California, Louisiana,
Maryland, and Georgia.
************************Press Release! This just in from
the Turtle White House!!!!! (Sorry but it's not part 2
from July 14, 2008!! ************************
July 22, 2008
Well it
depends........................................If you are very smart
and have an Einstein IQ, the rule of thumb is 2 - 5 years old as a
starting age. But if you are not Einstein (or Stephen Hawkings) the
rule of thumb is the Chair Test at McDonalds.
If you are shorter than the chair, the odds are
you are a kid and maybe you should buy some coloring books. Go find
a nice new coloring book with George-a-bumba and color him in. The
ones with George-a-bumba and Methane Man in the same issue are on
sale at your local book store.
What if you are above the chair at McDonald's?
Well the odds are you are 35 years old. Perfecto! Therefore this
site is Parental Guidance 35 (PG-35) and we hope coloring books are
not for you unless you are George-a-bumba himself.
Tell management Sidney sent you and you will receive a 75%
discount on all Big Macs from July 23, 2008 - July 23, 2018. Be
prepared to sing the official lyrics of O'Canada (see
above) to get your
75%discount. And this offer is
good in Canada and the United States (with the exception of Quebec
and North Dakota.) There is a limit of one Big Mac per person per
singing of O'Canada. July 23, 2008
(Part 2 from July 14...................)
............................... A few days
previous........................................************** The
Secret Service rips one from the stack of Canadian phone books and
quickly searches for Babble-Bum. **************
Secret Service: Here! I have
the right book. Its the Special Edition Canadian phone book
listing past Prime Ministers. Its 5 pages long with 5 Prime
Ministers starting with the most incompetent.
There! Babble-Bum! Listed on the first page.
The number is 1-900-Babble-Bum - For a Babble of a good time call
Brian Mulroney @ $0.44 a minute........................
Ring. Ring. Ring.....................Ring.
Ring. Ring
Secret Service: This is the
secret service calling on behalf of the President Of The United
States Of America................ I need to speak to Babble-Bum!
Babble-Bum: Babble Babble?
Secret Service: There is no
time for Babble! George-a-bumba
needs medical treatment. We are told you could help us. Now need I
repeat: "There is no time for Babble! Can you help us?
Babble-Bum: Babble Babble???
Secret Service: Not Babble you buffoon!
Secret Service: Is this Brian
Mulroney The Babble-Bum or not?
Babble-Bum: Babble Babble
Secret Service: Listen you
incompetent Canadian twit. There is no time for Babble! We need
help.
------------------------------------- Secret
Service hangs up in frustration
-------------------------------------
Babble-Bum: (After putting down the
phone) Boy is my face red........................ I'm
only used to talking with Mrs. G!
This website is a personal site and it is not for sale!
E-mail Sidney
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